


a more glorious dawn awaits the morning

by pluvieux



Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-11 08:36:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11144793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pluvieux/pseuds/pluvieux
Summary: (once we share tonight, once we share tonight)title: the hit || TWRP ft. ninja sex partyi'm too scatterbrainedi can't function todayjust takin shots of my good ol depresso expresso!





	a more glorious dawn awaits the morning

poison is boiling inside my stomach  
i can feel it burning away at my vital organs  
i am  
sickening

i've never been to a beach but i know what waves feel like  
i know when the tide is low or high  
with all six arms, i pulled myself out of bed  
\+ ruined every good thing going for me

in the bathroom, i closed my eyes while i brushed my teeth  
lest i see myself in the mirror  
in the dining area, i scrubbed + dried the dishes to the side  
lest anyone sees me through the window

i sweeped the floors  
i tossed clothes into the washing machine  
i cleaned my room  
i tore unneeded pages from my handy dandy notebook

i ignored my phone.

my own brain has left me battered + bleeding  
my own hands have left me open  
my own mouth has left me vulnerable  
my own feet have left me weary

i left it up to myself to get it out of my system  
to step out onto another plane of existence  
in a persist to resist the fact, to dismiss that i exist in the midst of this new-old mist

two sides in a storm seek control by contradiction  
i don't feel anything i don't feel anything i don't feel anything i don't feel anything i don't feel anything i don't feel anything i don't feel anything i don't feel anything i don't feel anything i don't feel anything i don't feel anything i don't feel anything i don't feel anything i don't feel anything i don't feel anything i don't feel anything i don't feel anything i don't feel anything  
i feel everything,  
too much emotions for me to convey or process at the moment

trick eyes that go tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick to make me into a lunatic losing their wit  
my hands grabbed the counter for support  
\+ i set my house on fire

my feet immediately faltered, + i left a meadow in my trail   
i threw up ink   
\+ my stomach ceased to exist

i stood still, + my skin turned a faint shade of blue   
so i froze over + burnt to a crisp   
i opened my mouth in front of the mirror  
let my tongue loll out of my mouth  
it was lavender, but that doesn't matter

i pulled thorns out from my eyeballs  
\+ once i was bleeding the right shade of red,   
i stepped on them  
\+ made sure that my feet were red, too

i walked from dark blue on to dark green, then i ripped out the timespace fabric of dark blue   
\+ walked to dark purple   
now i'm standing in God-knows-what  
\+ i want to be back home.

but i can't be back again because i'm busy painting myself a better reality  
i have my brain on an operating table + i'm rearranging the serotonin + the dopamine   
one of my hands broke off in the process,   
blood sputtered + gushed out but i knew i just had to sigh + wait for it to rejuvenate

« i try to write you poems,  
but the words—they don't make sense  
my hand tries to grip the pencil,  
but the fingers are too tense

\+ i try to show emotion,  
but my eyes won't seem to wet  
\+ i'd love to tell you stories,  
but i can't remember how they went »

i went to bed in a mix of colours  
i was desperate,   
my body was spinning while i was trying to grab onto ropes hanging from the ceiling   
tied into graduation cords + tassels

i know that once my foot touches the pavement with honors cords packed away in my car (that i will eventually have)  
i can go on an evening run   
\+ once i come back,  
i can drive away  
(+ i will not come back)

i woke up feeling guilty  
i woke up, i threw up  
i woke up, tried to stand up, then realised that i was too dizzy  
i woke up, + i pushed every emotion into a cube labelled "love" + it has been my outlet for the time being  
i woke up, + i reached my arm out on instinct (as if he was ever in my bed anyways)  
i woke up, got out of bed, wanted to run, but saw other human beings so i went back upstairs i woke up, wished i didn't (yet, i wanted another hour) + tried to go back to sleep, but i had woken up i woke up exhausted i woke up + i heard my thoughts shifting from one side of my brain to the other i woke up + ignored the way i felt sharp rises in my chest i woke up + closed my curtains i woke up + instantly started playing my music at full volume i woke up + prayed my brother wouldn't come into my room yet i woke up + hoped that today would be different (it hasn't been. it will be. it will be. it will be. it will be.) i woke up + i wrote i woke up + i counted to 18, i called him, i wanted him so badly that my heart ached (he's asleep. he's sleeping soundly. i hope he wakes up in a different plane of existence) i woke up + i

i woke up,  
i got out of bed  
i took one look at the end of my bed + saw a carcass of the me from last night   
a shell of my former self

i took the biggest knife in my kitchen  
\+ chopped away at my limbs until i had two arms  
though it has left me dizzy, once they regenerate, so will have i

once i shower,   
once i properly get ready  
brush my teeth, my hair,  
get dressed,  
eat breakfast,  
run,  
study my french

i will talk to hamlet + i will stand on my hands, i'll do a cart wheel or something, man i don't fuckin' know

_This Pokémon was unavailable prior to Generation V.  
Generation V   
Black It absorbs a spirit, which it then burns. By waving the flames on its arms, it puts its foes into a hypnotic trance.  
White Being consumed in Chandelure's flame burns up the spirit, leaving the body behind.  
Black 2 The spirits burned up in its ominous flame lose their way and wander this world forever.  
White 2  
Generation VI   
X Being consumed in Chandelure's flame burns up the spirit, leaving the body behind.  
Y The spirits burned up in its ominous flame lose their way and wander this world forever.  
Omega Ruby Being consumed in Chandelure's flame burns up the spirit, leaving the body behind.  
Alpha Sapphire The spirits burned up in its ominous flame lose their way and wander this world forever._

my neighbour's windows light up like lanterns in the night  
i want to bring everything into life with my words  
i pulled out a Pokémon card + on the back,   
i wrote _« My own existence wounds me deeply. »_

(ghost Pokémon has always been a favourite.)  
(i could somehow turn that into something romantic.)

i'm gripping the rudder + steering myself to calmer seas  
slipping out of my previous life,  
such as watercolours,   
slowly draining of its hue when time is rewound

i opened my curtains, + i see bluer skies  
where i am is not where i want to be  
but my best is all anyone can ask me for,   
even if my only accomplishment today is simply having a more positive outlook than yesterday


End file.
